Ep 74: Part 1: How I Build Habits that Stick
07/06/22 | 18:40 | Episode 74
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Audible | Amazon | iHeart
On today’s episode I’m going to share with you my formula for building habits that stick.
You’re going to want to stick around if you’re someone who…
Has tried to change your eating behaviors numerous times and just can’t seem to stick to it
You’ve tried every diet in the book, from WW to fasting to Keto.
You want to live healthier, beyond food! You want to exercise more often, or meditate, but you never seem to stick with it for long.
In my experience, there are two key factors to building habits that stick, and I’m going to share the first one with you today, and the second on next week’s episode.
The first key factor to building habits that stick is that habits must come from your identity.
Identity is important for efficiency and belonging, however it has one major pitfall– we often mistakenly believe identity is innate, set in stone, unchangeable.
I’ve always struggled with my weight.
I’ve always had a big appetite.
I never follow through on myself.
I always self-sabotage.
These beliefs affirm who we think we are, and if we think we are destined to overeat or be overweight or self-saotage, we don’t bother trying to change it because it’s out of our control.
But remember, identity is just a set of beliefs and qualities, and beliefs are just thoughts we think are true.
The only difference between someone who overeats and someone who doesn’t is the habits they’ve built with food– and those habits were born from their beliefs about themselves.
I didn’t just make up a new sentence and start repeating it in my bathroom mirror until I believed it.
Instead I did the following:
I first DECIDED I was not longer going to tolerate overeating.
I am the HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge) of my mouth, my choices, and my life so if I am choosing to overeat I am also capable of choosing otherwise.
I COMMITTED to that decision. Deciding is something we do once, but commitment is what we do everytime we put something in our mouths.
I used the Hunger Scale to learn to recalibrate my hunger signals so I could tell when I was hungry and when I was satisfied.
I practiced the thought (which is how we form beliefs– by practicing thoughts) that I am someone who does not overeat. I eat only when I’m hungry.
If you haven’t already watched my free Eating Without Fear training that teaches you how to use the Hunger Scale in the way I’ve outlined on the show today, what in the world?!?! Take less than 20 minutes and run, don’t walk, over to liapinelli.com and get in the know today!
And check back in next week when I share the second key factor to building habits that stick– this one is my favorite so don’t miss it… I know you’ll love it, too.
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Transcript
On the last episode of TLYC podcast I shared with you why you don’t need more self-discipline or willpower to permanently change your eating behaviors but instead you need to build the habits of someone who eats differently, in a way that allows your one unique body to lose weight– and sustain it.
Habits are a better bet than willpower because, while habits take energy to form initially, once they are engrained they take very little energy to sustain.
And energy is EVERYTHING when it comes to sustainable lifestyle change.
On today’s episode I’m going to share with you my formula for building habits that stick.
You’re going to want to stick around if you’re someone who…
Has tried to change your eating behaviors numerous times and just can’t seem to stick to it
You’ve tried every diet in the book, from WW to fasting to Keto.
You want to live healthier, beyond food! You want to exercise more often, or meditate, but you never seem to stick with it for long.
In my experience, there are two key factors to building habits that stick, and I’m going to share the first one with you today, and the second on next week’s episode.
The first key factor to building habits that stick is that habits must come from your identity in order for them to integrate permanently into your life.
Your identity is, by definition, a set of qualities and beliefs that makes you different from– and also affiliated– with others.
Why must habits come from your qualities and beliefs, i.e. your identity?
Because our actions (habits) are always driven by our feelings, and our feelings are always born from our thoughts or beliefs.
We often try to create lifestyle change by changing our actions first. We swear we are going to stick to our points or calories tomorrow, run 5 miles before work, and fast until noon and THAT will get us the result we want.
But those actions usually stem from the feelings of self-loathing, frustration, and anxiety. Those feelings are generated from our beliefs about ourselves that we aren’t good enough and we must beat our bodies into submission to finally have the body and life we want.
You and I both know this never works– at least not for long.
There is a much better way, and I’m going to teach it to you today but first, just for funsies, let’s do a little identity exercise together.
Grab a piece of paper and pen, or the notes app in your phone and spend a few minutes brainstorming your identity. What are the first things that come to mind?
Here’s my quick identity list of the first 10 things that come to mind:
Female identified woman
Cisgender
Queer
Italian American
Lizzo lover
Mama
Wife
Life coach
Bay Area Native– raised in the SFC
Social justice activist
This set of qualities and beliefs about myself align me with other people who hold similar beliefs and possess similar qualities about themselves.
Go ahead and pause this podcast and make your own list, then come right back.
Identity is important because it not only gives us a sense of belonging that is crucial to our survival and vitality, but it also simplifies things.
Our brains can only process so much and make so many decisions at one time, so identity affiliation allows us to filter and choose efficiently and quickly (our brains like efficiency!).
I invite you to make another list now, this time focused on your identity with food and weight. Here’s mine from six years ago…
Overweight
Struggle with food
Binge eater
Yo yo dieter
Untrustworthy Can’t be trusted
Inconsistent (exercise)
Failure
Overeater
Big appetite
No self-control
Identity is important for efficiency and belonging, however it has one major pitfall– we often mistakenly believe identity is innate, set in stone, unchangeable.
My identity with food, that is what I believed to be inherently true about myself, fueled the following thoughts:
I’ve always struggled with my weight.
I’ve always had a big appetite.
I never follow through on myself.
I always self-sabotage.
These beliefs affirm who we think we are, and if we think we are destined to overeat or be overweight or self-saotage, we don’t bother trying to change it because it’s out of our control. Or, when we do try to change it there’s this little voice in the back of our heads telling us it will never work, because it’s not who you are– you’re always going to be that kid in the second grade who everyone called fatso, dreaming about binging on jelly beans and strawberry shortcake. You’re destined to a life of having to choose between yummy foods or being thin– but you can’t have it both ways.
But remember, identity is just a set of beliefs and qualities, and beliefs are just thoughts we think are true.
The only difference between someone who overeats and someone who doesn’t is the habits they’ve built with food– and those habits were born from their beliefs about themselves.
I used to believe with all my heart:
I’ve always struggled with my weight and with food.
I’ve always had a big appetite.
I struggle with overeating.
I always self-sabotage.
And now I believe with all my heart:
I don’t struggle with weight or food (anymore).
I don’t have a big appetite (anymore).
I don’t struggle with overeating (anymore).
I don’t tolerate self-sabotage (anymore).
I only eat when I’m hungry.
How did I get there? By practicing this sentence frame:
I used to be someone who [insert old identity] but not anymore. Now I am someone who [insert new identity].
Here’s an example:
I used to be someone who overeats, but not anymore. Now I am someone who eats only when she’s hungry and stops when she’s not, with very few exceptions to that rule.
Now, I didn’t just make up a new sentence and start repeating it in my bathroom mirror until I believed it.
Instead I did the following:
I first DECIDED I was no longer willing to tolerate overeating.
I then DECIDED that I am the HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge) of my mouth, my choices, and my life so if I am choosing to overeat I am also capable of choosing otherwise.
I COMMITTED to that decision. Deciding is something we do once, but commitment is what we do everytime we put something in our mouths– or don’t.
I used the Hunger Scale to learn to recalibrate my hunger signals so I could tell when I was hungry and when I was satisfied. I teach this tool for free in under 17 minutes and you can get it at liapinelli.com
I PRACTICED the thought (which is how we form beliefs– by practicing thoughts) that I am someone who does not overeat. I eat only when I’m hungry.
I BECAME someone who doesn’t overeat. I used the Hunger Scale tool to PRACTICE being someone who doesn’t overeat. I started to think new thoughts about myself and stopped tolerating old, shitty thoughts like “I struggle with food.” Instead I swapped it for
I used to be someone who struggles with food, but not anymore. Now I’m someone who is learning to be at peace with food.
It is important to emphasize here that I am not saying that your beliefs about yourself, your identity alone, is enough to change your eating behaviors, but it is the number one most important part of the equation. Once you DECIDE to become someone who doesn’t struggle, then you can start to implement the practices that, overtime, will get you exactly where you want to be.
The best starter tool for your practice is the aforementioned Hunger Scale so if you haven’t already watched my free Eating Without Fear training that teaches you how to useit, what in the world?!?! Take less than 20 minutes and run, don’t walk, over to liapinelli.com and get in the know today!
And check back in next week when I share the second key factor to building habits that stick– this one is my favorite so don’t miss it… I know you’ll love it, too.