Ep 77: Part 2: How I Build Habits that Stick
07/25/22 | 14:47 | Episode 77
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Audible | Amazon | iHeart
This is part 2 of How I Build Habits that Stick. In part one I explained how habits only stick once they become part of who we are, part of our identity. Getting that piece down is the missing link for anyone struggling to stick to their most desired habits.
Once you got the identity piece down, it’s time to double down on the steps for actual habit building.
Here’s where most of us go wrong with being consistent– we go too big, too fast.
I used to struggle to build a consistent yoga practice and then I discovered a psychological hack which I share on this episode that allowed me to circumvent my resistance and be consistent.
All it took was a little understanding of my own brain– my own psychology– and that is exactly what we do together in my 90 Days program. We use brain based solutions to quite literally create the lives we crave without using tons of energy or willpower, or deprivation.
Not only did I develop a totally consistent daily yoga practice after that, but I actually grew into a 4-5 day a week, 90 minute Bikram yoga class at 5:30am for years– and I loved it! I didn’t have to wrangle myself out of bed– my primitive brain was onboard because I used this process to change who I was being, and how I was doing, in a way that works psychologically.
If you have habits your struggling to be consistent with, here’s what you can do TODAY to become consistent ASAP.
Grab a pen and jot this down– if you’re driving or don’t have a pen, just head over to liapinelli.com/goodies and you’ll get all of these plus future tips delivered straight to your inbox.
Make your goal smaller.
Use the James Clear 2 minute rule or Martha Beck's Turtle Step)
Your brain will protest– expect it! Then make it even smaller.
DCPH
Decide
Commit
Plan
Honor
Don’t let yourself miss twice. Promise.
————
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Transcript
This is part 2 of How I Build Habits that Stick. In part one I explained how habits only stick once they become part of who we are, part of our identity. We have to actually think differently in order to be different in our lives.
If you missed that one, go back and listen after you’re done with this episode today because getting that piece down is truly the missing link for anyone struggling to stick to their most desired habits.
Once you got the identity piece down, it’s time to double down on the steps for actual habit building.
Here’s where most of us go wrong with being consistent– we go too big, too fast.
Let me share a story to illustrate.
I started practicing yoga in my parents basement in 1994. I was a sophomore in highschool (no need to do the math– I’m 44, no shame in my game, girl, and there shouldn’t be any in yours either.) and I bought a Molly Fox VHS tape from Tower Records at Stonestown mall in SF.
Yoga with Molly was love at first sight for me. I felt SO good after practicing.
I had a long history of back pain since childhood and yoga really seemed to help– plus, I’m not gonna lie, I wanted to look like Molly! She was ripped.
Well, no matter how much I practiced yoga, I never ended up looking like Molly, but my back pain brought me to my mat in the basement about once a week.
My consistency with weekly yoga lasted for two and a half decades. But I was frustrated.
I wasn’t preventative with the yoga– I waited for my back pain to force me to the mat for relief instead of practicing daily– just 20 or 30 minutes– to prevent the pain from coming in the first place (and I knew I'd be in better shape that way, too).
In my 30s I got serious– every night I promised myself I’d get up 30 minutes early to practice. “I’ll feel so much better if I do!!” I’d tell myself. “My whole day will be better!!”
But inevitably, every morning, I’d hit that snooze button hard. And keep hitting it until I was out of time.
Or, if I did rally out of bed (because my husband had been tasked with literally pushing me out so that I’d stop hitting snooze) I’d find a million other things to do instead of practice– journal with my tea, check my email “real quick” to get a jump on the day, organize the silverware drawer, fold laundry, whatever– my brain always found an excuse.
Why am I doing this to myself?!?! I WANT to practice yoga?? Why am I sabotaging myself??
I already identified as a yoga practitioner– I had 20 years under my belt at that point, there was no denying it.
Here’s why I was self-sabotaging:
As crazy as it sounds, the habit goal was too big.
I know, I know, 20 minutes a day is not a big goal.
But to my lower brain (quick review), 20 minutes was too much effort compared to staying cozy in my warm bed for 20 more minutes. Even though I loved yoga and would feel better when I was done, to my primitive brain it didn’t compare to warm, peaceful slumber.
So here’s how I circumvented that.
I told myself: OK, Lia, you don’t have to do 20 minutes of yoga. All you have to do is get out of bed and lay down on your mat for five minutes. That’s it. PJs on, just lay down. No yoga, no effort (remember the triad) just lay there for five minutes.
The night before I laid my mat right next to my bed so that I just had to literally roll out of bed to meet my goal.
And I did it.
My brain didn’t protest nearly as much as it had with the 20 minute task. I didn’t have to convince it to exert any effort really at all– no yoga expectation, just lay there.
And you know what happened. I laid there for a few minutes, then started to deepen my breath and felt the urge to pull my knees into my chest… oooh, this feels nice on my low back… so then I started to roll a little bit and before I knew it, I was practicing yoga. For 20 minutes. Every day.
Minimal effort.
All it took was a little understanding of my own brain– my own psychology– and that is exactly what we do together in my 90 Days program. We use brain based solutions like this one to quite literally create the lives we crave without using tons of energy or willpower, and we definitely don’t use deprivation! We don’t do anything we aren’t willing to do for the rest of our lives.
Not only did I develop a totally consistent daily yoga practice after that, but I actually grew into a 4-5 day a week, 90 minute Bikram yoga class at 5:30am for years– and I loved it! I didn’t have to wrangle myself out of bed– my primitive brain was onboard because I used this process to change who I was being, and how I was doing, in a way that works psychologically.
If you have habits your struggling to be consistent with, here’s what you can do TODAY to become consistent ASAP.
Grab a pen and jot this down– if you’re driving or don’t have a pen, just head over to liapinelli.com/goodies and you’ll get all of these plus future tips delivered straight to your inbox.
Make your goal smaller. (James Clear 2 minute rule + MB turtle step)
Your brain will protest– expect it! Then make it even smaller
Use example of walking
DCPH
Plan it! Put it on your calendar. Remember how I laid my yoga mat out? That is important.
Don’t let yourself miss twice. Promise.
When you get really good at keeping promises to yourself, having your own back, you can trust yourself to do ANYTHING. Let’s go, girls!!
