Ep 67: Confession: I Ate Out of the Trash
05/17/22 | 11:06 | Episode 67
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Audible | Amazon | iHeart
Tune in to today’s episode to hear what me, a woman named “Janet”, and Alexis Bolino of the Real Housewives of OC have in common.
I’ll give you hint: it has to do with eating out of the trash and feeling out of control with food.
I used to think I struggled so hard with food because I lacked willpower or discipline until I learned the REAL reasons were:
Biochemical: the more processed foods I ate, the more I craved (chemically)
Psychological: I ate my stress, exhaustion, anxiety, excitement, resentment, anger, you name it feeling
When you reduce your hunger and desire for food to natural states you can live at your natural weight .
AND when you learn to stop eating for psychological (i.e. emotional) reasons you will absolutely END your struggle with food and weight.
If you’ve ever eaten out of the trash, or felt like candy is haunting you, or done anything else that feels shameful around food– I want you to know you’re not alone, you’re not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
————
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Transcript
I was talking with a 53 year old woman recently, let’s call her Janet, who told me that she sometimes eats out of the trash.
For some of you listening that might sound crazy– who would do that? You might think.
But not me. I get her. Because I’ve done it, too.
Just like Janet, I’ve felt out of control with food, so I would try to “control” myself by throwing it away or somehow ruining it to stop myself from eating.
Janet eats candy at night and then tries to control herself by throwing it out, only to have it call to her– literally haunt her– until she relents and fishes it out of the trash bin, full of shame and self-loathing.
I remember watching a RHWOOC and seeing one of the housewives, Alexis Bellino, cover her fries with Sweet n Low to stop herself in an attempt to control herself– it looked so desperate and sad.
Yet while I was judging Alexis Bellino, I also completely identified with her.
Me, Alexis, and Janet– we are all on the same “out of control” bus and desperate to regain control and find peace with food.
I remember it so clearly, standing alone in my kitchen in Oakland, peering into the trash can, eyes set on the large piece of glistening strawberry cheesecake sitting pretty, right on top.
“It didn’t actually touch any garbage…” I thought. “It’s still (mostly) wrapped in the napkin so I can eat it, it’s no big deal.” I carefully picked it up and, still standing over the rotten smelling trash, shoveled it into my mouth.
Moments before I had broken up with that cheesecake, swearing that I was DONE and would NOT be back for more… only to find myself now committing the equivalent of a 2am drunk-dial with that same bum boyfriend only this time his name is Cheesecake.
Cheesecake, btw, is my childhood favorite and I’d arm wrestle anyone who says my mom’s isn’t the BEST– not too saccharine sweet, creamy deliciousness, so effing GOOD!
Back then, standing in my kitchen, a stressed out college student, I wanted so badly to eat like a “normal” person, to be able to enjoy one piece of my favorite dessert without overeating it AND without obsessing about it when I limited myself to just one piece.
But I couldn’t. I would incessantly think about that cheesecake until I finally broke under the pressure, give in, then eat way too much making myself sick. I felt absolutely out of control, so out of desperation I would throw it away in yet another dramatic scene– vowing to never eat sweets again… which, of course, never lasted.
What I didn’t know at the time, and what I’m willing to bet you don't know, is that the reasons for my struggle were NOT because I hadn’t found the perfect diet yet (eff diets), or because I didn’t have enough discipline or willpower (graduating magna cum laude from UC Berkeley and Stanford doesn’t happen without discipline, just sayin’).
The REAL reasons I struggled so hard with food were:
Biochemical: the more processed foods I ate, the more I craved (chemically)
Psychological: I ate my stress, exhaustion, anxiety, excitement, resentment, anger, you name it feeling
What I learned was that when you reduce your hunger and desire for food to natural states you can live at your natural weight .
AND when you learn to stop eating for psychological (i.e. emotional) reasons you will absolutely END your struggle with food and weight.
No more Alexis Bollino moments. No more feeling out of control. No more fucking shame.
Here’s why I’m sharing that story with you today:
If you’ve ever eaten out of the trash, or felt like candy is haunting you, or done anything else that feels shameful around food– I want you to know you’re not alone, you’re not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with you.