Ep 65: Why We Self-Sabotage + How to Stop
05/02/22 | 18:59 | Episode 65
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Audible | Amazon | iHeart
On today’s episode we are talking about self-sabotage, why we do it, and how to stop. I’m going to give you three actionable steps that you can start today! Let’s dive in!
Self-sabotage leads to chronic self-disappointment, meaning chronically feeling disappointed in yourself, and chronic self-disappointment often leads to a heaping dose of negative self-talk.
And what do you do when you feel crappy? You eat. Brownies make us feel better. Popcorn, wine, Taco Bell, Starbucks… you name it. Because we don’t want to be alone with that person who talks to us that way, so we numb out the voice that tells us we suck.
We eat to self-soothe from the self-abuse we’ve just inflicted on ourselves… and the cycle continues.
How do we stop self-sabotage? Here are the four steps I teach in my 90 Days to FF program:
You must commit to building trust with yourself– just like in a relationship with someone who’s broken your trust, it will take time to rebuild it
You must stop talking shit to yourself– you wouldn’t tolerate it from others!
You must decide you’re worthy
You must stop planning to eat foods you don’t love.
Now, we might intellectually understand these four steps in theory, but applying them in your life and truly integrating them takes guidance like that which we offer in the 90 Days program. In the program my women learn how to build unbreakable trust with themselves, stop the negative self-talk tape looping in their heads, how to feel worthy enough to put their health and wellness first, and how to eat in a way that they love and still lose weight. If you’re ready to join them and get these results, too, head over to https://www.liapinelli.com.
In the meantime, here’s where I recommend you start to smash your self-sabotage habit:
Plan REALISTICALLY what you’re going to eat 24 hours in advance
Eat exactly that.
Celebrate following through!
Don’t try to be perfect– perfect is the enemy of good
And speaking of perfect, tune in next week when we talk about how perfectionism is effing up your goals.
————
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Transcript
On today’s episode we are talking about self-sabotage, why we do it, and how to stop. I’m going to give you three actionable steps that you can start today! Let’s dive in!
Recently I was on a Curiosity Call with a woman and she said “I’m a smart woman, I know what I need to do, but I always seem to sabotage myself… why do I do this??
These words always make me feel like someone is squeezing my heart, wringing it out a little… because I totally know the disappointment of constant, uncontrollable self-sabotage.
I used to promise– swear!-- to myself that I would stick to my points/plan/whatever, but this little voice in the back of my head was always whispering: you won’t follow through… and it felt AWFUL because I knew it was true!! Inevitably by the end of the day or week I would “give in” or “throw in the towel” with a bottle of wine, bread and cheese, popcorn & netflix, and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to boot because– why not? I already effed this up!
These weekly events were always followed by self-loathing…
Why did you do that?
What is wrong with you?
You’re such a fuck up!
You’re a hot mess.
What’s the point, you’ll never do it right.
You’re such a loser.
Why can’t you get your shit together?
The way I would talk to myself I would never speak to another person, and yet I had not problem talking that way to myself. I never even questioned it. I thought I deserved it.
Self-sabotage leads to chronic self-disappointment, meaning chronically feeling disappointed in yourself, and chronic self-disappointment often leads to a heaping dose of negative self-talk.
This tape plays on and on in our heads, like the song that never ends.
And what do you do when you feel crappy? You eat. Brownies make us feel better. Popcorn, wine, Taco Bell, Starbucks… you name it. Because we don’t want to be alone with that person who talks to us that way, so we numb out the voice that tells us we suck.
We eat to self-soothe from the self-abuse we’ve just inflicted on ourselves… and the cycle continues.
This woman on the call, we’ll call her Kim, said “I come home, tired and stressed, and I know that I need rest and sleep, but instead of taking the Melatonin and going to bed, I pour the wine, grab the chips, and plop down in front of Netflix for 3 hours– why am I doing this???”
Here’s why:
Habit loop
Dopamine
Lizard brain: short term relief vs. long
There’s nothing wrong with you– but this is where planning to show up differently and break the habit comes in to play (episode 64)
How do we stop self-sabotage? Here are the four steps I teach in my 90 Days to FF program:
You must commit to building trust with yourself– just like in a relationship with someone who’s broken your trust, it will take time to rebuild it
You must stop talking shit to yourself– you wouldn’t tolerate it from others!
You must decide you’re worthy
You must stop planning to eat foods you don’t love.
Now, we might intellectually understand these four steps in theory, but applying them in your life and truly integrating them takes guidance like that which we offer in the 90 Days program. In the program my women learn how to build unbreakable trust with themselves, stop the negative self-talk tape looping in their heads, how to feel worthy enough to put their health and wellness first, and how to eat in a way that they love and still lose weight. If you’re ready to join them and get these results, too, head over to–
In the meantime, here’s where I recommend you start to smash your self-sabotage habit:
Plan REALISTICALLY what you’re going to eat 24 hours in advance
Eat exactly that.
Celebrate following through!
Don’t try to be perfect– perfect is the enemy of good
And speaking of perfect, tune in next week when we talk about how perfectionism is effing up your goals.
This work is so much easier, and you get results so much faster, when you join the 90 Days to Food Freedom program– plus, it’s a lot more fun when you lock arms with women who are in it with you.
Book a curiosity chat with me at liapinelli.com
